late nights, bright lights

Wait a flippin' second.

I don't want sex. Does this mean I want no sexual relationship of any kind? Am I entitled to one?

I am destined to be a frigid bitch for all eternity?

Where's my pleasure? Am I responsible for creating it, or am I allowed to find someone to help me create it? If I can take a stand today and say I do not want sex, am I even allowed to ask someone else to enter into a relationship with me on those terms? Will I ever find anyone willing?

I am not rethinking my choice, I am merely rethinking.

131770383421

Okay, so for the sake of arguement, I have this friend.

Let's call 'em Doug.

Doug sort of had this... intimate and bloody encounter with another friend of mine named... Belinda.

Doug and Belinda didn't have any, you know, relationship planned. Quite the contrary, Doug and Belinda are friends and whatnot.

Well Doug is... touchy. Fucking aweomse, don't get me wrong, but Doug has a tendancy to take things very seriously most of the time. No worries though because if I was in Doug's place, I would be feeling the same way. It was a pretty intense thing that Doug and Belinda did.

[Note to self: people, no matter what state of intoxication, make fucked up decisions. Make sure to never become a person. They're dumb.]

And then Belinda turns around and is a dork to Doug, even though Doug did nothing to deserve it. Belinda is like... calling other guys 'the hot dude'-- namely Franklin. Poor Doug. It's not like he wants anything to come of it, he just wants a little respect.

Now I feel I am closest with Doug, though I am friends with Franklin and Belinda as well. I don't know how to go about my life with these people if Doug is going to be legitimately ticked off at Belinda and Franklin. I think they should all hug.

By the way, Doug, if you're out there, I fucking love you. Let's have sex.

( Cut for Disturbing, Graphic, Adult Content )

I finger-painted and it was fun.

Yeah. So.

Weird dream last night. Now I'm afraid to go to School Reach. Because I might get shot/have sex with teammates.

Both of which would be weird/a little awkward at the next practice...

But yeah, so I'm feeling pretty much like Death warmed over right now.

Ooh, better [not best, but better] because I found juice.

NOOOO! DON'T DO IT JAVERT! IT'S NOT WORTH IT! THERE'S SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR.....

...Whoops. Too late. *giggle*

Yeah, I was thinking about a boy today. A certain, pretty to look at boy. And I decided that I’d tap him twice if I could get him doped up first.*

Or you know, if he asked me...

Aww, I love talking to Colin. He says silly things and then I forget why I am depressed. Much like when Brendan was shouting obscenities at my last night through my computer speakers. 'Duckie' and such, just scandalizing, I tell you.

And I totally was just on wikipedia and I pressed random, right? Well, don'tcha know it, I got taken to an article about Mary II. And I totally knew what was going on!

That just makes me so damned happy because it means that everything that Mister Malkin talks about doesn't go over my head! I actually do retain some information!

[*Okay, so technically it is stealing. Plagiarism of a thought. Sorry Cookie. But damn! He's hot!]

Round Dance = fun!! So yeah, I actually had fun today. I learned that you can skin abadger... if you can catch one.

I also learned that I am more sexually frustrated than I thought I was.