unavoidedcrisis: rainbow swoosh with the text "nyarrr" (nyarrr!)
I wanna just... AUGH for a second.


Okay, so I'm about right on track for my monthly freaking the shit out about everything forever and crying for 2 days because life is too lifey. Boyfriend is working night shifts. He's on his first break. Sends me a Snap Chat of a propane blow torch (because of course he does). When I didn't reply, he texted to ask me what I was up to.

Me: Nothing. Reading. Tumblr. Sulking.
Him: Awww.
Me: Please come pet my hair until the future stops being scary. [incidentally, a thing on my tumblr dashboard at the time]
Him: Why is the future scary?
Me: Well, it's cold, for one thing. And I just feel alone.
Him: Very cold more blankets. Metaphorically alone?
Me: Just. Alone. All the ways. Alone in the wide world of human experience. Alone inside my head in all of space and time.
Him: Oh I c. But you have me.
Me: Blah, I know. Just feeling sorry for myself. ♥
Him: Your my world. Fyi. And my world is so much less scary when I know your in it. I'm very marshmallowy on this subject.
Me: Shush. omg wtf, SHUUUUSH. And you mean "you're" for all of those.
Him: Yes Miss Leen. ♥♥♥

I LITERALLY CANNOT WITH HIM SOMETIMES. I feel like he's Leslie Knope and I'm April Ludgate. Stop.

unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (girl with cards)
So. My life is a swirling vortex of suck right now.

No. I mean. It could be worse and I'm probably just whiny? But also, it sucks.

My hip hurts. A lot. All the time.

My grandfather, one of my favourite people of all time ever anywhere, has been in the hospital with a broken hip since 6th June. He was ~officially~ released from the rehab place on 29th August (long story, but he was going to stay an extra 2 weeks or so until we finished upgrading his apartment so he could stay there with grandma without too much difficulty). Except then on the evening of the 29th (incidentally, my grandmother's 80th birthday), he had what we thought at the time was a major stroke.

Rushed to hospital from rehab centre, my grandmother, mother, step-father, aunt and one cousin were there when mother sent her bff to come pick me up from my work mid-shift to go to emergency room to be there when grandpa died. Because that's what we were pretty sure was about to happen.

We said our goodbyes, he said his -- two words at a time in barely a whisper -- and then the night nurse was a vicious dillhole fuckface assclown pissbutt and kicked us out. Yeah, so. We don't like that nurse. At all. Grandpa was not stable, we had absolutely no guarantees he would make it til morning (and the doctors were pretty sure he wouldn't), he (grandpa) was begging us not to leave him, and he (nurse) made us all leave. :|

Well, grandpa didn't die overnight, the doctors reordered the MRI in the morning that they had ordered, then figured, 'actually no he probably won't live that long' and then cancelled the night before, and lo and behold, it wasn't a stroke.

We have no idea what it was. No one does.

Grandpa is stable, but in borderline poor/grave condition, STILL does not have a bed 116 hours after being admitted, and is still on a stretcher in the ER.

Which, you know, would make for a terrible fucking weekend for everyone involved, especially grandpa.


Remember how it was my grandmother's 80th birthday? Yeah, we planned a huge party. Family from all the fuck over coming in. Once we figured out we'd have a little lead time to prepare and get to the ER if grandpa did decide to die on us, he demanded that we have the party anyway.

Since we're the ones who live in town, my mother kind of spearheaded the event on Sunday. And the event on Saturday. And the second event on Saturday. And and and and.

I have not stopped moving since I went to work on Thursday. There are people everywhere. Talking. Loudly. Because that's what my family does. Everyone's leaving today, so people stopping by since 6am to say bye.

Uncle and cousin who were staying here (no one usually stays here, we have too many dogs, but there was no where else to put people) just left. Mother and stepfather have gone to buy a GPS. I am alone (with said too many dogs). There is the ringing in my ears that I can only associate with my family. Even the dogs at the kennel make less headache afterwards.

Going to see Grandpa today -- mama and I didn't go this weekend since so many other people were visiting and we've already pissed the hospital off plus Grandpa gets worn out so fast. And then I'm going to paint my nails, and then I'm going to sleep forever...

Or until I have to go in to work early tomorrow. :\


Mar. 25th, 2013 02:15 pm
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (Default)
Someone sent me 20 roses, they just showed up at my door, why is this a thing, who did this?
unavoidedcrisis: dalmatian resting its head on the arm of a couch (resting dalmatian)
Oh. Hey. My last journal entry was my 1,500th on this LJ. Go me.

Hello everyone. Let's talk about a thing.

So pets die, right? I deal with that a lot on account of I work at a vet clinic. PS, I don't think I'm building up to a certain point, I just need to pour out some words, so. Don't expect some sweeping, majestic summation of human existence at the end here.

There's a lot of different reasons as to why someone would have to get a pet put to sleep (PTS), but if the reason is bogus, my vets will send the person away with a live pet. They don't fuck around and take "well I just don't want it anymore" as an excuse. Reason number five hundred and sixteen that I love my job, right.

The vast, overwhelming majority of pets that are PTS at our clinic are PTS because they are very old and their bodies are shutting down on them. That's... a pretty damn good way to go, it turns out. Better than the ones we see that are young and suddenly horribly ill or injured. We get those sometimes, but it's far less regular.

My first PTS at this clinic (and my first working in the field, not a PTS that was one of my pets) was an old, sick cat who had had a great run and needed a little mercy. I was fine with this. The owner cried a little, thanked us profusely, and left with her equally crying toddler. It happened, I went "aw, that's too bad, poor family," and went about my business.

The second PTS was an ancient sheltie with an equally ancient man for an owner. He'd known this day was coming and was just so... At peace with it. We dragged a chair into the exam room so he could sit with her (we don't have chairs in there normally on account of very small exam rooms) and his adult daughter was with him. She was sobbing, he was just sitting quietly with his hand on the dog's paw. The daughter had to leave the room, asked if I would stand with him. I did, because how do you say no to a sobbing lady and a 5000 year old man who are asking for something so simple? You don't, that's how. I felt sad after this, but the old man hugged and thanked me when we took the dog's body away and I went on with my day.

(The aforementioned old cat's owner came by a few days later with a fruit basket. That happened. Blew my goddamn mind.)

I didn't know either of these families or their pets, this being my 1st/2nd week at the clinic, but I knew their pain and it made me frown and go "awww, bad day for them, I feel empathetic towards this situation, &c." This was also right around the time I had to put Casey to sleep.

We had a couple more, I don't really remember. A relatively young dog with pancreatitis that had been in every day for about 15 in a row for rechecks, fluid therapy, etc. had to be PTS in my first amount of time at the hospital. I knew the owners a little better (really nice old married couple) and I knew the dog. She was a real sweetie. They thanked us too, the whole team, and gave the vet who did the euth a hug and dropped off a card when they came back to pick up the dog's ashes.

But then Nash. Nash was a dog I had never met before who belonged with a family I'd never before. He was old and very sick and he had a peaceful death. And fuck did I ever cry. I got myself together relatively quickly, but in the 10 minutes I was crying, I was fucking sobbing.

There have been about 4 now that have had me in honest to god tears. And a few more past that were I've welled up a little, or had a Dean Winchester style "single manly tear." But I mean, the majority of them are "oh gosh, that poor cat/dog/hamster/family." There's a few more coming up, that we know are on the horizon that I know I'll cry over (including one for Sasha that's going to have me in tears for an hour, I guarantee it. Tonight or tomorrow. Very anxious about going to work soon :/), and a few more that I'll just be thankful have finally happened (again, Sasha. Ugh, poor creature).

On Friday, we had to euth a large Maine Coon (like McLovin and Casey...). The owner was a bedridden 89 year old woman and the cat came in with her daughter and HER daughter (so, daughter and grand-daughter to cat's owner, referred to henceforth as "lady" and "daughter" because I never met the actualfax owner). The cat was sick (suddenly, acutely, in a 8 year old cat, so still relatively young, though maybe closer to geriatric from a Maine Coon stance). Very sick. We did rads and a basic CBC to comfirm. Yes, the cat was very sick, Yes, the best thing we can do for the kitty now is have it PTS. So that's what the lady and her daughter did. They called the owner and she said goodbye over speakerphone in the exam room, then they paid the bill and left. They couldn't stay while it happened.

Some people find it really difficult to stay for any of it, and some people don't even want the pet to be taken to the treatment room to have the catheter put in because any time away from the pet is horrible for them to conceive (putting in an IV cath makes it way easier and less painful to put the euthynol in, less messy, less scary, less stressful. We put a cath in in the back, bring the pet back to the family and the vet gives them however much time they need before coming back in and doing the euth). I'm totally non-judgey of whatever someone chooses to do. I stay through every second of McLovin's euth last April and patted his stupid cat head. I was there for all of Casey's, but I could barely look at him, let alone touch him. Grief does weird things to us, every time.

They left, me and the tech stayed with the cat while the vet put the needle. It was good, tbh, that they left. The cat needed way more of the drug than we thought it would, had to IC after initial sedation. It was pretty bad to watch (but he didn't feel it, don't worry). I cried a little because it made me think of my stupid Maine Coons who decided both to die last year.

I'm covered in cat fur and dried tears now, it's 30 minutes after we close and we've been slammed all day, so I'm sweating like a cow. I've stripped off my scrub top, so I'm in my ratty old kennel tank and am washing blood from a very-enthusiastically-in-heat dog off the walls in the big exam room when someone starts rattling the front door. I am pissed, and exhausted (after being there 30 minutes late on top of my 13 hour shift already and it's been a goddamn long day).

It's the cat's people. The lady and her daughter. They brought us cupcakes.

So. I cried a little over the cat. I fucking sobbed over the cupcakes. Grief does weird things to people.

This has been a lot of thoughts about dead pets. I have to vent them out periodically so I don't explode.

Also, never give your dog his/her medication mixed with chocolate milk, that just makes you a fucking idiot.
unavoidedcrisis: rainbow swoosh with the text "nyarrr" (nyarrr!)
My mother and step father went away for two weeks and I was supposed to dog sit. So I did. But also I work 65-70 hours a week now, so the lady across the road was going to co-dogsit. Nothing intense, just coming over once a day Thursdays-Sundays to let them out for five minutes and then lock the house up. Seriously not hard to do, despite how ridiculous our dogs are.

She shows up on the second day and says no, not only can she not do this anymore, but her and her husband have suddenly decided to go to Mexico for a month, so would I mind watching her dogs.

Um. That is the actual exact opposite of you watching mine, lady.

Plus, yeah, ours are a little hyper? But you have a people-aggressive Staffie and a blind&deaf&can't use his back legs at all 80lb Malamute who also has insulin-dependent diabetes. Your dogs are hella harder to take care of than mine!

Long story short, I'm dogsitting. idek.

Um. What else is happening in my life.

I got stabbed with a needle and some Euthynol. Yes, that does exactly what it sounds like. I'm fine. It was a laugh. Slash I was fucking sick as hell for a few days, but I'm good now.

I accidentally all the Les Miserables feelings I thought I was over. So. That's drastically affecting my quality of life these days. I wrote fic. Yeah, that bad. [livejoural.com profile] cherie_morte has it right now and it preparing to shred it into strips. I'll let you know the progress there.

Almost done (hahah maybe?) my [community profile] apocalypsebang. Needs an ending with a little more horribleness. It's been a pretty flip apocalypse thus far.

I went to the dentist today and apparently now I have to have all four of my wisdom teeth out to prevent all my teeth from exploding at once or something. I was only partially listening. She made it sound scary though.

There goes most of my Wincon money and my tattoo money and my new purse money. I was saving so good, too!

That... is basically it. I'm boring and I have a lot of emotions about dead French revolutionaries and/or Thor's hair.
unavoidedcrisis: dalmatian resting its head on the arm of a couch (resting dalmatian)

Mama is coming home soon and bringing me Wendy's. :)


Blood work on Caseycat came back this morning and it's not diabetes like we were hoping, it's end stage kidney failure, which means we're going to have him put down this weekend. The vet even said with the right meds and food combo, we could maaaaybe get 'til mid-January. It's just more humane to let him go before he starts to vomit blood.


I got the clinic job, I start Friday.

So, you know, extremely up and down day -- all of this happening while I was at the pet store (apparently the manager, says the other girls, does not like her employees having multiple jobs, so it remains to be seen if I'll be able to work both). I'm going to eat my Wendy's when Mama gets home and then ptfo. :)

Sick Cats!

Dec. 4th, 2012 05:51 pm
unavoidedcrisis: rainbow swoosh with the text "nyarrr" (nyarrr!)
Casey has been super off his food for the last few days -- wouldn't eat a single bite, but going crazy on the water.

Took him to see the vet tonight, they took some blood and got him some a/d recovery to eat. He's actually eating!

Also has a grade 2 to 3 murmur in his heart. Lovely. :|

Blood work will be back from the lab tomorrow, and we'll know what's up with him hopefully then. Major contenders are currently diabetes, hyperthyroidism, and kidney failure. Is it wrong to be super hoping for diabetes? It's the easiest to deal with. If he's in major kidney failure, we'll have to have him put down. WAH sick cats, what's up.

Had an interview at a vet clinic (not the one we took Casey to) Friday, they called me in for a working interview, which I had yesterday. I think it went okay? I will hopefully hear from them soon. I want a clinic job. :)

AND THEN the vet tonight that we did take Casey to asked me why I looked familiar, I said it was because I'd been in to there to drop off a resume. They took it from the rather impressive stack and put it on the top, plus he said he'd give it to his vet friend in the next town over who was specifically looking for someone with my credentials. #progress!

So there's an update about sick cats.
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (Default)
Oh my god, I get it, I'm not as smart as you, jfc, leave me alone about it and stop insisting on bringing it up how is it news anymore, I know I'm an idiot mission accomplished, I am doooooone.
unavoidedcrisis: rainbow swoosh with the text "nyarrr" (nyarrr!)
Still unemployed! \o/

I guess I'm trying to see if I can make it a year?

Mother says she'll help fund my new laptop as soon as I have some sort of gainful employment. Which, you know, is amazing, because I need a new laptop like burning. But also, sweet fuck, I need a job like burning.

Interview tomorrow at the pet store. Super super super fucking hoping they want me. Even 2 nights a week would be something! I am going to lose my mind if I stay in talking to this pug much longer.

unavoidedcrisis: dalmatian resting its head on the arm of a couch (resting dalmatian)
I think I am about 70% over my plague death? I really fucking hope so, anyway. Yesterday I walked to the library and back and by the time I got home, I pretty much wanted to die entirely. Today though, I loaded the dishwasher without quitting life, so that's something. Baby steps. Still dizzy as butts every time I move too quickly, and still coughing like a demon constantly.

Also tired. Suuuuuper tired. Just started new anti-depressants and I was told that could make me tired. But like. I'm really tired and I could probably sleep right now? It feels weird. I'm usually exhausted but the insomnia keeps me awake for days at a time. Is that normal, does anyone know if severe sleepfacedness is a side effect of starting anti-depressants?

I watched all of Suits while I was bed ridden. Pretty decent. Gina Torres is flaw-free, so that's the big draw there, I think. Think I'm going to try Arrow? I hear not knowing a shred of backstory is actually helpful. Wah. After I finish Gilmore Girls.

ALSO I finally picked a fandom/idea for [community profile] apocalypsebang, so I'm writing my tail off for that. Maybe it will end up being my only Nanowrimo project and it will be 50k long and I'll be one of those people. lolnope.
unavoidedcrisis: rainbow swoosh with the text "nyarrr" (nyarrr!)
Went to the doctor today because of this persistent douchebag of a cough. It's bronchitis + sinus infection, yaaaaay.

But we were talking about my chest (the inner parts, not the pretty booby parts). Apparently my ongoing problems breathing could have something to do with allergies.

Him: Do you ever have exposure to cats or dogs?
Me: ........................................................................................................ Yep. Both.
Him: Maybe you could go a week without handling them, see how your breathing is from there?
Me: Ummmmmm. Probably not.
Him: Are they non-shedding at least?
Me: Fallacy, there is not such thing as a cat or dog that does not shed at all. All of them shed a little. Even the hairless ones lose the few hairs they do have periodically. Also, they get zits you have to pop. On their butts. Is that really an attractive alternative, people?
Him: *stares blankly*
Me: *stares blankly*
Him: *stares blankly*
Me: But, no, really, I'm not getting away from the pets any time soon.
unavoidedcrisis: rainbow swoosh with the text "nyarrr" (nyarrr!)
Wincon was a thing!

Wincon was a great thing. I am very excited for next year. I will not get grabbed by a crackhead in a 7/11 next year. Next year, we will go to Vegas :D Next year, [livejournal.com profile] lavendergaia and [livejournal.com profile] road_rhythm are coming and it will be awesome.

Travelling with [livejournal.com profile] lavishsqualor was the best idea I ever made, I would not have been able to go without her <3 Everyone I met was amazing, I am just so glad to have gone. And you know, happy to be home. Fuck, it was hot in Texas :P

I have a lot of thoughts about airports, and also about the nature of transformative works and fandom, but I'm too tired to type them all up. Maybe when I've slept off some of the excitement.

unavoidedcrisis: dalmatian resting its head on the arm of a couch (resting dalmatian)
If I took every thing/person/abstract idea/etc that I have declared to be "my patronus" in the last week and mashed them all together, it would be the single most horrifying thing in existence.

And then, through my terrified sobbing, I would declare it to be my goddamn motherfucking patronus.

True story.
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (Default)
I have set up crossposting between my Livejournal and Dreamwidth accounts and this is just me testing it out.

It's not like I post all that often these days, though I'll be making an effort to post more.

Feel free to drop your DW names in the comments if you want me to add you there. :)
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (Default)
A few months ago [livejournal.com profile] erture posted about which five female fictional characters she would want on her "crap, now we have to save the world/universe/sandwich" team. When I read it, I thought she probably had picked the characters I also would have picked, but I guess I should probably think of my own, so here goes.

YES THIS HAS BEEN SITTING ON MY DESKTOP SINCE OCTOBER, BLOW ME. I started a year-end meme I nabbed from [livejournal.com profile] sigrundora, but it turned out to depressing as hell when I started writing, and I'm attempting to begin 2012 as positively as possible, so none of that, only geekery and badass chicks!

Let's be honest, if procrastination could save the world, I would single-handedly make sure it was never in peril. )
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (Default)
Was going to do a link-spam of every thing I've written this year, but I decided that... No, I won't do that :D

Here's just a quick breakdown:

Total words written+posted: 104,000 (give or take a couple. I tend to round to the nearest 10)
Number of fics posted: 18
Fandoms Represented: 2 (def going to try to write some more next year)
Big Bangs Posted: 4
Total words written+posted for big bangs: 89,900 (I am in loooooove with big bangs. ALL THE BIG BANGS)
Total # of fics written for porn comment memes & # of words: 8&5,550

And though it makes me a little queasy, here's a link to the thing I wrote that I like the best. I wavered; there's 2 that I like, but this one wins on account of banter. Also, it's shorter, so anyone who wants to read it will be tortured a little less.

The Secret Waiter Job, written for AU Big Bang. Leverage Restaurant AU, Eliot/Hardison, warnings for strong language, lots of knives, and spanking. 23k, rated R.

Leverage is the hot, exciting place on the restaurant scene these days, thanks to its hot, exciting executive chef, Eliot Spencer. New hire Alec Hardison is a mild mannered, smooth talking waiter by night and a double-life-living, top secret culinary school student by day. Together, they'll cook up some sizzling dishes... both in and out of the kitchen.

So basically, if it's not a big bang or Porn Battle, I won't write it. >.< Going to expand my ficcing horizons in 2012. More fandoms, more writing for fun and pleasure, more WORDS. Yes, I signed up to "get my words out". We'll see how that goes. :D
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (Default)
EVERYONE. [livejournal.com profile] ordinaryink graduated from pastry school!


SERIOUSLY THOUGH, YUM, RIGHT. [livejournal.com profile] inkruns makes yummy banners. Come join us. It's pan-fandom and pan-medium (fic, art, ... other things that people do). And tee-hee for the first food-related icon I found in my list. Flying shrimp, ftw!
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (Default)
I had a lovely Christmas, hope any/all of you who celebrate it had a nice one too.

I got a cuddly sweater and some sweet nail polish, then I groomed some dogs and slept on the floor in a pile of pets. Just the usual, you know.

Now I'm doing absolutely nothing. Seriously. nothing. The tv is on, but I'm barely watching. It's nice to have legit nothing to have to do. I'm going back north to work and school again tomorrow night, so I'm going to enjoy my last 24 hours of NOTHING AT ALL.

Hope all is well.
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (Default)
Okay, I'm not complaining.

Okay, I AM complaining. But just a little, and not in a bitchy way.

WAY DO I ALWAYS HAVE IDEAS. I hate ideas. Ideas are just something awesome that doesn't exist and I'm way too inept to actually make the things I think of. I got to see the art available for claiming for Leverage Reverse Bang today. Thank goodness the one that made me go "OMG I HAVE ALL THE IDEAS" was already gone, or else I'd have to slog through like, 60k worth of yet another off the wall AU idea before I finally broke down into frustration and beat my computer with a wiffle bat.

IT'S OKAY THOUGH, CAUSE I CLAIMED SOMETHING ELSE. But now I'm trapped with the idea for the one I really wanted in my head too. Clearly I can't write it for this challenge, but I still want to write it!

And the other... fifteen AU ideas floating around in my head. I am not lying or blowing up that number. I typed 'em out on my phone while I was waiting for the bus today. I legit have fifteen glory-tier, long-fic type AU ideas I currently want to write.

unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (Default)
Hey guess what, I hate the new LJ releases re: comments. But I'm guessing y'all already knew that. tbh, I'm still unhappy with the "crosspost to FB and Twitter" options. -.-

I had to deal with a stack of student loans paperwork this morning. Now I am made of grumpy feelings.

OH and if that wasn't enough, I've been having about a solid week of those "I am legitimately the most unattractive beast to have ever clumsily roamed the earth" feelings. Seriously, could I be any more repulsive as a human? But instead of feeling fat and ugly and bloated and like I have bad skin and gross teeth, I now ALSO have a cold sore. Because stress is sexy, don'tcha know.

And I fucking hate the sound of my own voice. More than I hate the new way we're supposed to pick icons for comments now, which is saying a lot.

And I hate my new glasses, too. So much for be stoked for them at the shop. They're awful and I look super dumb.

SELF ESTEEM WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR EVERYONE. Clearly I was wrong on that one.

PS, Hobbit trailer blew my mind. Glad my browser doesn't try to correct "hobbit." It knows the score :D


unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (Default)

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