unavoidedcrisis | Entries tagged with i'm going to die

Current Mood: drained

I slept for 3 hours this morning. Before that, I'd had 2 hours of sleep in 4 days. So I'm at 5 hours in as many days.

I've had strep throat since September and there's been talk of removing my tonsils, but we're trying more antibiotics and, uhhhh. Those other ones. Steroids. Yeeeeah.

There was a big blow out fighty argument at work yesterday. I think I'm okay? We'll find out tomorrow when I go back in.

So I hate everything. Everything makes me angry or sad or upset. I'm pretty sure there's something wrong with me apart from insomnia and low iron (I had a B12 shot Friday, but I may need another one). Who knows. Another mystery.

Besides everyone at work, apparently everyone else I know kind of detests me right now. It's like the Derwid-Loeverhastel Principle, but in reverse. Sorry for what basically amounts to my entire life right now, everyone who knows me. This is Leen, in all her glory. It's probably just easier to hate me and think I'm a moody fuck. I'm down for that. I've been through it all before. It's (I'm) going to get worse before I get better.

Current Mood: sick

Skipping today for the 30 Days of TV Meme because I don't have the energy to do day four's answer justice tonight. Instead, have another meme and a sad story.

Yet Another Music Meme

Rules:

- List the names of 20 of your favorite bands. (I can only think of 15. Sue me.)
- Have people try to guess your favorite song by each of them.
- Bold the ones that were guessed and add the title of the song.

01. Great Big Sea
02. Sloan - Everything You've Done Wrong
03. The Tragically Hip
04. Florence + The Machine - Drumming Song
05. Boys Night Out
06. The Hush Sound
07. Lady Gaga - Speechless
08. Tilly and the Wall
09. Barenaked Ladies
10. The Beatles
11. Kevin Devine
12. Motion City Soundtrack
13. Savage Garden
14. Sam Roberts
15. Taylor Swift - Our Song

That only looks like a weird list to me because I know I listen to a lot of country music, yet I'm not really showing that reflected. I also never realized I listen to so much Canadian content on a day to day basis, but I apparently do.

Also, if I were a MASH character, I'd apparently be 'Trapper' John.

( Sad story has cut for icky. )

Current Mood: blah

Four Things

1 - I am sick and therefore extra bitchy today. It's been a long time coming, but it's finally here.

It's not strep, which is weird because we're halfway through May and I've only had strep once. Normally I average out 5-6 cases of strep a year. I guess I'm just going to be really really gross later this year? I do not like the idea of attempting to write for Nanowrimo with uber strep from hell...

I actually think it's just a cold. Do you know how long it has been since I just had a regular head cold instead of some kind of Super Illness? Just having a cold feels so weird. I can still do most things! I'm not bedridden! I am, instead, coughing my lungs out and complaining a lot. I have also apparently lost most of my voice.

2 - ( cut for incredibly long rambling and stupid family drama )

3 - LJKA;SDFLDASLJDSDOEWRN. Guys. I read through the changes Bean made to our Big Bang and added a few of my own (mostly correcting errant punctuation). We also discussed (at length!) all the extra extended scenes, deleted scenes, way too cracktastic/pornographic/both scenes that will be included in the 'bonus features' section. I am so so so excited for this to be posted in fifteen days, you really have no idea. It doesn't even matter if not a single one of you reads it, I am going to read it and I am going to love it and I am going to flail over it. That being said, I still hope some of you read it ;)

It's a Supernatural AU from 5x10 and contains such awesome things as 'Intense Man Pain!', 'Magic Oreo Cookies!', 'Men Who Cry, Try To Deny They Were Crying and Then Hug Manfully!' and 'A Goldfish!'. And to be fully honest, it's only like 45% crack.

SO I AM EXITED ABOUT THAT.

4 - What's the deal with grammar? Seriously, I never really understood it.

Current Mood: discontent
Current Location: home, in the dark
Current Music: very potter musical

My hair is the longest it's been since I was 12 years old. I mean, it'll be a little longer tomorrow, because it's magic like that. But WHOA long. Just past my shoulders long.

And I don't know what to do with it. I feel like I need a new hairstyle. Or I need to learn how to actually style my hair at all. I wish my hair was curlier. Not curly persay, just wavy. I'm considering a perm.

I did something awful and painful to my neck today or sometime last night. I don't know what it was, but now I can't really turn my head left more than like, fifteen degrees. OW. Hot water bottle and sulking should hopefully fix it. If not I am seeing the doctor tomorrow.

Pathfinders was physically exhausting. One of the girls pulled my arm a little too hard and now my shoulder is all frakked up too. So. Hot water bottle and sulking for that too.

Um. My lips are chapped because apparently it's winter again. My hot water bottle won't solve that.

Today, officially, my teeny tiny baby stepsister turns 17. I am so old. And nothing will fix that. Ever.

I THINK I'M DONE WHINING NOW.

Current Mood: morose
Current Location: fort HQ
Current Music: Kid Rock because it speaks to my sick soul

So I am sick. And when I get sick, I get horribly whiny.

I blame it on never getting enough love when I was sick as a child. My mother is a nurse, so when I had the flu she was always 'yeah and? It's the flu. Come back when you have legionnaires.' The time I had mono, she was pretty sure I was just lying to get out of school, so she threatened to ship me off to military school or to live with my father (both would have been terrible beyond reason, let's be honest). But blood tests confirmed I had mono and an ultrasound confirmed that my spleen was enlarged and ready to pop. But I didn't die that time, which on one hand is awesome and on the other hand if I had died then I wouldn't be sick and whiny now so...

Yesterday I actually managed to pull myself from bed and go to visit

epiphanyx7 who made me noddles and a blanket fort and let me watch Battlestar Galatica on her couch. Then she read me stories and I wandered home. I love her very very much. I will call her Faithful #2 and when the revolution comes, she will not be eaten. As for the rest of you... We shall see.

Today though, I have fully nested in my bed and I am not getting up. Unless I need to pee, but I think that's a given.

If it wasn't a fever dream, Katie came in here, woke me up and took my bank card. If that is the case, she is called Enemy of the New State #2 and when the revolution comes, she'll be met with a fate worse than being eaten. If it was a dream, then she is forgiven. For now.

GUYS. I think what I'm trying to say is that I'm sick and cold meds make my brain a melty goo mess and then I say strange things and I have a fort.

Current Mood: groggy
Current Location: home
Current Music: Mariana's Trench

Bean and I finished the draft for our AU Big Bang fic. I can honestly say I have never been more excited for something I helped create in a long time. So it's got to be beta'd and then a few more edits, but then it's going to be DONE and it will have art and awesomeness and man pain.

In other news, I might have strep throat. First time in 2010 and it's April. That's actually a pretty good record. I haven't had any major illness yet this year. Go me and my shitty immune system.

This morning, Katie, Adam and I drove up to Sudbury. And I got a gecko. Yeeeeeah! She is actually a he, so my perfect name was dashed to pieces. And he's not a regular morph; he's actually a lot lighter. I think he is a very handsome fellow. He has a purple tail!

He actually likes being handled, which is cool. And you're holding him, he likes to lick the heck out of you. Right now, he's hunting some crickers. He's very ferocious.

( First Photos )

So I'm super stoked about this. He desperately needs a name, of course. I like Leoben (a la Battlestar Galactica) or Clarence. His middle name will be Pepperoni because that is a kickass middle name. Thoughts?

After almost three weeks apart, Freddy got home this morning. I intend to cuddle him for hours.

Current Mood: happy
Current Location: bed
Current Music: nothing and it's tripping me out

How many times do I have to say 'I'm normal, I swear!' before

a - people start believing me?
b - it becomes true?

I don't even know guys, I don't even know. Life gets so out of hand sometimes.

And now, here's my hormonal whining for a bit.

I want a baby.

I don't want a baby, BUT I WANT TO THINK I WANT A BABY.

I know I'm not ready for any of that junk, but whenever I see a baby or a small child who is mostly behaving (let's be honest, everyone hates a squalling infant), something way maternal in me just wants to smish it's little face and run off into the sunset. I don't even know. I want to blame Heather for 'that thing which will never be spoken about but included a lot of pregnancy talk' for putting babies into my head, or maybe the fact that 6 people I know have had babies in the last 12 months... And absolutely blame Bean for pushing kids on me a bunch in the last few weeks to make it really something that I've been thinking about... Guh.

Anyways, single, unemployed post-secondary drop out who can hardly take care of herself and who genetically should never have kids because whoa, checkered family history, is not anyone who needs a baby right now. I KNOW I KNOW. But it doesn't stop the tugging of my heart strings every time I think about it.

In other news, spent some time at the pet rescue today. Actually, it's not the pet rescue anymore, now it's the dog rescue. The lady who runs it wasn't able to deal with her horrific cat allergy anymore after having 40+ cats at the rescue for what? Some number of years anyways. So they just do dogs now. I think they have two leftover cats (one is nicknamed Dead Cat and reminds me of Buttonhole from Death Comes to Town).

Back to my point of OOH BABY THINGS. We messed around with the dogs a bunch today and it absolutely cemented my recent personal revelation. All my life, I was a cat person (a green cat person, if you want to get technical). Dogs were cool, but cats were best. And then I moved away from home and lived without a cat for a year and half and it was good. Like really good. So then when I got another cat after that time... It just didn't feel the same. It wasn't as great and awesome as I had remembered. I mean, the cat I got was lovely, but she was still practically a kitten and very high energy and it wasn't what I had been used to with my always'n'forever favourite cat Ziggy. ((Well, then came McLovin' and I think I rant enough about him that everyone knows he's Lucifer's real vessel.))

Well I guess one day I started reflecting on all the awesome dogs I'd had/known throughout my life. And I realized I was a dog person (well, a green dog person).

I really rock at getting off topic.

I played with dogs today and it made me realize how comfortable I am with my chosen path in life, as I am entering into a veterinary medicine type program in September. Dogs rule and also drool. Something to that effect.

There. I got it all out.

My hair smells like puppy spit and wind even after I washed it. I AM SO HAPPY, IDEK.

Current Mood: high

I was walking down the rainbow road when a one armed walrus bit my leg. I cried chocolate milk tears and sat on the marshmallow skunk. We decided that dim sum is good with tea and tea is good with umbrella soup.

Current Mood: in pain
Current Location: purple room
Current Music: dog the bounty hunter

I have very weird skin. This is a well known fact to me. It's super sensitive and usually dry and it gets weird over the smallest things. Today though... *whew*

I went through a really tough time a few years when I couldn't use scented anything and then even the unscented soap and detergent would gives me rashes and I couldn't use any soap at all for like, six months. Just water.

It got so bad that once, I tore off all my skin like wrapping paper and cavorted around like a crazy skinless thing. Okay maybe not. Things turned around and my skin is generally pretty cool now. There are certain products and brands I know I can't use, but other than that my skin generally behaves (except it's still always dry).

Yesterday I bought some nice new soap (OF DOOM, apparently). It was Dove 1/4 Moisturizer waterlily and cool mint, which I thought was rad because Dove is generally awesome and it smelled good.

BAD NEWS GUYS.

I don't know what it was but I thought I was going to die. I used it to shave my legs with no immediate problem. Well, the skin on my legs is apparently the most resilient because it took just long enough for me to lather up the rest of me with the soap before the searing hateful burning started on my legs. So I rinsed super fast like lightning, but it was way too late. I rinsed for like, twenty minutes, long enough for the water to turn stone cold, and yet it still felt like a wicked-terrible burning all over. Arms, legs, torso, other bits - if you know what I mean.

Uhhhh. It's like, eight hours later and I'm still extremely uncomfortable. My mama didn't believe I could have such a brutal reaction to soap, so she washed her forearms with it, thinking it maybe had extra carbolic acid added, but she didn't even get an itch. So it's hers now, whatever, but OW. *whiny bitch*

Even wearing clothes is painful D: I certainly have my llama face on tonight.

Current Mood: OW THE PAIN
Current Location: living room
Current Music: csi: ny

Days 'o' Blog Count: 20/31

I went to the MTO, but no such luck. They were having some sort of evacuation and would not let me in.

Talked to the dean of the program I want to get into in September. It looks good. I don't want to jinx it, but for the first time in about 3 years I'm excited for schooling.

Also, I have stabbed myself in the leg with a pen. There is blood. This, my friends, qualifies as an FML moment.

31 Days 'o' Blog Super Special Fun Features
Quote of the Day: I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. [Jane Wagner]

Fact of the Day: In the 13th century, quality standards for paste were assigned by the Pope. Because Pope's only know three things: the Bible, big hats and glue.

Pretty Picture of the Day: ( here )

Song of the Day: 'Pinch Me', Barenaked Ladies. It's a very mellow song for times when you stab yourself in the leg and it gets you all antsy and you need to chill out. You know, in case you ever need a song for that. Don't laugh. You might.

The Final Thought: I made chili and it was delicious.

Got my package from CanPost today. Tee shirts galore. There was much rejoicing. I also priced replacement SPN dvds and ordered a copy of Wreck This Journal with my GST return.

I just created a listing on the

help_haiti thread for words. So if you're in need of some fully ridiculous crackfiction and want to help out check it out.

I also discovered I have a burning desire for podfic. So there's that too.

I've drank so much lemonade, I might actually be a lemon. *worried*

Current Mood: freeeeeezing
Current Location: katie's room
Current Music: Nothing Left To Make Me Wanna Stay - Sloan

Days 'o' Blog Count: 02/31

Just got home from Janis' place to bring in her mail and feed her animals. Her cat is frickin' spastic. She reminds my why I never ever want a kitten again. That's not to say she's not adorable, but man oh man too much energy.

I meant to stop and get some groceries on the way home but I was frozen through just waiting for the bus to go downtown as it was so I bailed on the whole 'eating food' idea. As I walked the 8 or 9 blocks between Janis' apartment and the bus I was struck with thought that there probably is a God, and (S)He's probably a polar bear. How else do you explain temperatures that are allowed to be this freezing?

Here I am, 30 minutes after getting in the door and I still can't feel my fingers. Damn you adorable red Vancouver 2010 mittens, you were supposed to be warm!

31 Days 'o' Blog Super Special Fun Features
Quote of the Day: Perhaps I am a bear, or some hibernating animal underneath, for the instinct to be half asleep all winter is so strong in me. [Anne Lindbergh]

Fact of the Day: 'Pharology' is the study of lighthouses and it is derived from the Egyptian island Pharos where the most famous of ancient lighthouses The Lighthouse of Alexandria was built during the Hellenistic period. Other words derived from the root 'pharos' are used to mean lighthouse in at least 10 languages today.

Pretty Picture of the Day: ( here )

Song of the Day: 'Nothing Left To Make Me Wanna Stay', Sloan. Let me just say 'man I love this song'. It was my most very favourite Sloan song for a long while in high school and it still makes me wanna shake my hair all around. That's my signature dance move, by the way ;)

The Final Thought: I will probably never warm up.

Current Music: scrubs

Days 'o' Blog Count: 01/31

Last night was New Year's Eve (really!) and some of us went to Karl's parents' hotel for the night. It was, in a word, bitchin'. We had drinks and a bonfire and nachos and did I mention a bonfire?

Karl's parents were totally awesome and their hotel is gorgeous and the bonfire was huuuuge. His dad kept throwing gasoline on it to make it burn brighter and there was a point where they tossed on some old lawn chairs and we got to watch them melt.

They were trying to burn down an old (supposedly dead, I have no idea) tree but the tree just did not want to catch. It got charred pretty bad on the one side though. Poor tree.

We were all supposed to go out and see Avatar in 3D tonight but I don't think I've slept properly since my birthday so I passed on the movie and came home to lie down.

So last night was all nice and shit, besides not being able to sleep because I was worried about coyotes getting into the liquor, breaking into the house we were sleeping in, raping our women and beating our children. Because I hear they do that.

Also proved last night that I can still do a somersault.

31 Days 'o' Blog Super Special Fun Features
Quote of the Day: Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch. [Robert Orben]

Fact of the Day: There was a Viking called Ivar Ragnarsson, nicknamed Ivar the Boneless or Ivar the Legless who may have actually not had legs or maybe was lame but either way he had to be carried about on his shield and still conquered York without a problem.

Pretty Picture of the Day: ( here )

Song of the Day: 'For the Widows in Paradise, For the Fatherless in Ypsilanti', Sufjan Stevens. Banjo music, ftw. I originally heard this song as part of a fantastic fanmix and it quickly made it's way into my everyday rotation. His voice is like, haunting, idek.

The Final Thought: Katie brought me roast beef sandwich and it's frickin delicious.

Current Mood: awake
Current Music: Old Man - Neil Young

I can't even begin to explain how weird my life can be sometimes.

I talk to strangers too much, I am thinking. It may be beginning to affect my everyday behaviour.

I found a website that is actually designed to allow you to talk to strangers. Weird or what, right? Weirder still? I'm all for it!

Yes, I realize I may get abducted and have the marrow sucked from my bones.

Sometimes I think I want to change my name and flee the country.

/thoughts

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: romeo & juilet - dire straits

Today was almost entirely unproductive. But tomorrow is taco night with the friends and second-to-last Saturday with Team Fawcett.

I am going to miss that shift and those people so much. It's ridiculous. The job is not glamourous, certainly not fun and barely tolerable most of the time, but the people I work with right now are the second of the two reasons I even bother going. Not going to get nostalgic, because I'm in a funk right now and fueling the fire would be silly.

Today also my mother's birthday. I don't know why other people's birthdays make me remember my own mortality, but sheesh. PS guys, I'm going to die one day and so are all of you.

^____^

[Double ps, Mark Knopfler's voice gets me all dreamy and wishwashy inside my head. Does that even make sense?]

Current Mood: *ded*
Current Location: ace's bedroom
Current Music: yellowcard (?)

Fanfiction...
Alien babes...
New Mexico, Rise Against, songfics, Mary Sues, WMDs...
D&D, slash crossovers, list, alien babes...
Mixed music, guitar, puggles, cat adoption...
*twitch twitch die*

Current Mood: sick
Current Location: daytime tv land
Current Music: commercials

Nurgh. That is what I say.

I seem to have come down with some sort of inhuman flulike thingy. UNCOOL. I am weak and whiny and sickly and hungry but nauseous. I blame germs. Germs. Nothing is on in way of daytime television. I'm watching freakin' dog agility races. It almost makes the flu worse.

I am still working on Craig. He is a very difficult nut to crack, but I have sheer cuteness on my side, so I think I'll get my way in the end. Yes folks, I might get a kitty.

Current Mood: hot
Current Music: Riders on the Storm - The Doors

Okay, a few numbers from tonight particularly memorable six hour shift at the drugstore. "But Colleen, why was it particularly memorable?" I hear you asking. Well, let me enlighten you.

THE DAMN AIR CONDITIONER IS BROKEN.

Temperature difference between store and outside: 10 degrees cooler (outdoors)
Number of irate staff members inside: 4
Boxes of K&F order to be processed: 14
Number that were actually processed: 3
Number of bottles of water consumed by me: 9
Number consumed by entire night staff: 34
Number of bottles of Gatorade* consumed in total: 6
Number of other beverages consumed in total: 8
Number of times Wendy remarked "If I was ten years younger I'd take my top off.": 11
Number of times Wendy said "You know, this isn't just menopause.": 8
Number of customers who DIDN'T make a comment about the heat: 3
Number of prank phone calls made by Colleen and Wendy to Ryan: 2
Number of prank phone calls made in total: 12
Number of inappropriate phone messages left for other staff members on their home phones: 9
Number of these messages that were for Ryan: 3
Number of dogs seen in the store tonight: 4
Number of dog owners who said "We have to leave, it's too hot for (Fifi, Killer, Buttons, Craig)": 3
Number of nasty comments made about the boss who not let us close: upwards of 60
Number of ceiling fans in operation: 13
Number of other fans: 3
Number of times a customer remarked "Jeez, you should have some fans on in here.": 2
Number of customers Colleen nearly killed: between 1-100
Number of customers Colleen actually got to kill: 0
Number of customers who made Colleen smile: 3
Number of said customers who were pirates: 1
Number of times Colleen went on break: 4
Number of breaks that were permitted: 2
Number of minutes left in shift before Colleen broke down and took off her smock: 42
Number of times Colleen's mother came to pick her up, forgot her and drove away again: 1
Number of customers that came back later and brought staff lemonade: 1
Number of customers that should be made saints: 1
Number of times lottery machine fucked up and was stupid: 4
Number of times Colleen swore: around 65
Number of times customers heard Colleen swear: 4
Number of times Amanda caught Colleen talking to herself: 2
Number of times Colleen caught Amanda talking to herself: 3
Number of times Amanda and Wendy mocked Colleen for taking the weekend off because a book is coming out: between 7-12
Number of minutes Colleen read it takes for a core temperature of a human to normalize after spending more than 1.5 hours in the heat: 140
Number of boxes of chocolate bars left on the shelf: 0
Number of boxes of chocolate jammed into the pop coolers: 36
Number of boxes of chocolate bars that needed to be thrown out: 1
Number of phone calls recieved from boss following lines of "Is that damn air thing working right yet?": 6
Number of negative answers he recieved: 6
Number of times Wendy swore at him: 5
Number of staff who vowed to take a cold shower as soon as they got home: 4
Number of staff who also swore to a cold beer: 1; many, many times
Number of seperate parts of her body that Colleen now has heat rash on: 4
Number of pieces of clothing Colleen is now wearing: 2
Number of people who have commented on this thus far: 2

And wouldn't you know it, today was the first day in ages I didn't wear a tank top to work...

[* because when you sweat, you sweat more than just water....]

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unavoidedcrisis

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late nights, bright lights

rollicking adventure time!

Entries tagged with i'm going to die

sorry i'm such a dick

Music Meme + Sick Leen

Ridiculous Things Up in Here

This Post Has No Real Point

Sick Like A Sick Thing

I Am Awesome and I Have A Lizard

Baby Spit vs Dog Spit

muscle relaxant short story

misadventures in personal hygiene

man my leg is killin me

this is my talking about myself

Cold Cold Cold Cold

New Year's Eve Recap

omegle

Work Thoughts

Too Much

Flu

Numbers

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December 2013

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