late nights, bright lights

I'm going back to Mama's for Christmas tomorrow. I'll be gone for about three weeks.

It feels really weird. Last year, it seemed a little more normal, but this year. I really feel like I'm on my own and going back to Durham just seems odd.

Three weeks away? That's a whole bizarre vacation that I'm not sure I'm ready for.

And two and a half weeks away from Craig? That will be the longest time we've been apart since we met over a year ago. It will be a lonely bed, I can say that.

Ahh, now I really feel at home.

I'm at the library, as my internet access at home is really bad (aka: non existent). I have the feeling I will be here a lot this summer.

Applied for yet more jobs today. Second Cup was actually hiring, as was Montana's so I'm feeling... what? Hopeful?

Guh. Everything wants 'training' or 'experience' or 'french'. Stupid... jobs. Jobs are like ovaries. Nobody wants them, but just about half the population has 'em. (Okay, so the actual employment statistic is probably a lot lower than half. You get the idea.)

It sure is a nice library...

I've been home for four and a bit days and I miss North Bay like crazy. Not just all the people, but the 'it's not quite a suburb' feel and the ... North Bay-iness of it. Sad day.

Okay, so sometimes I go into phases where I do not update so much. Been not sleeping hardly at all at all for the last few days. Not fun, let me tell you.

I'm going to try sleeping tonight in my bed here in Whitby. I'm not sure how it will work. Maybe I'll just stare at my lava lamp for a few hours.

I've only been here since 430 and I already miss North Bay. How ridiculous is that? It's very ridiculous. I miss my stupid friends. But when I'm in North Bay I miss my stupid Durham friends. No matter where I go I miss Lia and Sarah. Damn England and it stealing all my sexy ladies.

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow. That makes me ridiculous amounts of sad. [How many more times can I say 'ridiculous'?] AND I have to walk because suddenly All Saints stopped paying for my bus pass. Stupid graduating and it ruining my bus privileges. Not that I'd take frickin' Durham Transit anyways. Laaaame. I hope my mp3 is charged because it would be so unlike me to walk through the downtown core muttering to myself.

Skyfire did not like the ride home. Four hours is much too long for a poor fish to have to sit in a small plastic cup when he is used to a big ol' tank with pebbles and a delightfully fake plant.

Freddy and I miss the snow greatly. And Mama says we might not get a Christmas tree this year...

I just realized tonight is the first night in a while that there's no one else in my bed. I suddenly feel very alone. But I think I also feel exhausted so I'll take my pill and try to sleep. Maybe I'll be back later; who really knows?

Being depressed as fuck is not pleasant.

Why do I feel like I haven't been home in years?

Sorry Jess, you're on your own tomorrow. I'm a liar.

I've accomplished absolutely nothing today. Nothing at all.

: (

Going to bed now.