15 Things

Colleen and Wendy's Top 15 Things It's Too Hot To Do

1. Price nine crates of shampoo
2. Price four crates of conditioner
3. Mop the floor
4. Wear a smock, even if it has your little name button on it
5. Return rented videos on time
6. Buy stamps
7. Count people's change out
8. Care at all about your grandkids/bum knee/colonoscopy
9. Have proper manners in public
10. Not steal things from work (ie: water)
11. Count the carts/guns
12. Double count the safe
13. Ensure that one only takes 15 minutes for a break
14. Be polite to customers that tell us it is hot
15. Anything at all

Numbers

Okay, a few numbers from tonight particularly memorable six hour shift at the drugstore. "But Colleen, why was it particularly memorable?" I hear you asking. Well, let me enlighten you.

THE DAMN AIR CONDITIONER IS BROKEN.

Temperature difference between store and outside: 10 degrees cooler (outdoors)
Number of irate staff members inside: 4
Boxes of K&F order to be processed: 14
Number that were actually processed: 3
Number of bottles of water consumed by me: 9
Number consumed by entire night staff: 34
Number of bottles of Gatorade* consumed in total: 6
Number of other beverages consumed in total: 8
Number of times Wendy remarked "If I was ten years younger I'd take my top off.": 11
Number of times Wendy said "You know, this isn't just menopause.": 8
Number of customers who DIDN'T make a comment about the heat: 3
Number of prank phone calls made by Colleen and Wendy to Ryan: 2
Number of prank phone calls made in total: 12
Number of inappropriate phone messages left for other staff members on their home phones: 9
Number of these messages that were for Ryan: 3
Number of dogs seen in the store tonight: 4
Number of dog owners who said "We have to leave, it's too hot for (Fifi, Killer, Buttons, Craig)": 3
Number of nasty comments made about the boss who not let us close: upwards of 60
Number of ceiling fans in operation: 13
Number of other fans: 3
Number of times a customer remarked "Jeez, you should have some fans on in here.": 2
Number of customers Colleen nearly killed: between 1-100
Number of customers Colleen actually got to kill: 0
Number of customers who made Colleen smile: 3
Number of said customers who were pirates: 1
Number of times Colleen went on break: 4
Number of breaks that were permitted: 2
Number of minutes left in shift before Colleen broke down and took off her smock: 42
Number of times Colleen's mother came to pick her up, forgot her and drove away again: 1
Number of customers that came back later and brought staff lemonade: 1
Number of customers that should be made saints: 1
Number of times lottery machine fucked up and was stupid: 4
Number of times Colleen swore: around 65
Number of times customers heard Colleen swear: 4
Number of times Amanda caught Colleen talking to herself: 2
Number of times Colleen caught Amanda talking to herself: 3
Number of times Amanda and Wendy mocked Colleen for taking the weekend off because a book is coming out: between 7-12
Number of minutes Colleen read it takes for a core temperature of a human to normalize after spending more than 1.5 hours in the heat: 140
Number of boxes of chocolate bars left on the shelf: 0
Number of boxes of chocolate jammed into the pop coolers: 36
Number of boxes of chocolate bars that needed to be thrown out: 1
Number of phone calls recieved from boss following lines of "Is that damn air thing working right yet?": 6
Number of negative answers he recieved: 6
Number of times Wendy swore at him: 5
Number of staff who vowed to take a cold shower as soon as they got home: 4
Number of staff who also swore to a cold beer: 1; many, many times
Number of seperate parts of her body that Colleen now has heat rash on: 4
Number of pieces of clothing Colleen is now wearing: 2
Number of people who have commented on this thus far: 2

And wouldn't you know it, today was the first day in ages I didn't wear a tank top to work...

[* because when you sweat, you sweat more than just water....]