late nights, bright lights

I feel better now than I have in the last forty-eight hours, but it's not just 'oh, I feel good now'.

This is a total, from one extreme to the other, up and down the chart, sort of switch. It seems to me the only thing the same between right now and this morning is I'm still drop-dead tired.

Now I just feel like a fucking idiot. You'd think after all these years I'd be able to keep some of that fortitude I've been saving. I'm actually disgusted with myself. But I know that no amount of self-loathing is going to help me and I need to shut my mind to it and get on with living.

Still, that's gonna leave a mark on more levels than one.