unavoidedcrisis (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
unavoidedcrisis) wrote2010-04-19 11:10 pm
unavoidedcrisis) wrote2010-04-19 11:10 pm
An Open Letter to Cows
Dear Cattle,
You have four stomachs. What's up with that? I mean, if there are four of you in a room, I would expect you to have four stomachs, but you have four stomachs with only one of you in a room (four cattle in a room would be somewhere in the neighbourhood of sixteen stomachs). This is, of cours,e ignoring the fact that y'all probably shouldn't be in a room at all. Cattle belong in a paddock or a barn.
I get why you would have two stomachs. You need one for softening the food and making it into cud, and then another for fully digesting. But the next two seem like overkill. I'm just saying, maybe you'd like to share some of those stomachs around to some of the creatures who only have one stomach. Make it a little fairer when we're talking about digestion.
Cattle! You only have one heart, dudes, don't you worry that your one heart gets kind of put out that your stomachs can have a party and the coolest thing your heart can do is ride a unicycle... It all just smacks of unfairness to me.
As long as we're talking about things you have to much of, I think you need to cut down on the number of words that are used to talk about you. There's 'cattle', which is the general word for you. 'Bull' means an intact male. 'Micky' can mean a wild male cow. 'Maverick' means the animal is unbranded. 'Cow', of course, means a female who's given birth. Before a female gives birth, they're called a 'heifer'. The list goes on, cattle. It's more than a little excessive.
You're cool, cattle, and I'm down with you. I just think you've been coasting for too long. Shape up, guys.
Very Sincerely,
Colleen
You have four stomachs. What's up with that? I mean, if there are four of you in a room, I would expect you to have four stomachs, but you have four stomachs with only one of you in a room (four cattle in a room would be somewhere in the neighbourhood of sixteen stomachs). This is, of cours,e ignoring the fact that y'all probably shouldn't be in a room at all. Cattle belong in a paddock or a barn.
I get why you would have two stomachs. You need one for softening the food and making it into cud, and then another for fully digesting. But the next two seem like overkill. I'm just saying, maybe you'd like to share some of those stomachs around to some of the creatures who only have one stomach. Make it a little fairer when we're talking about digestion.
Cattle! You only have one heart, dudes, don't you worry that your one heart gets kind of put out that your stomachs can have a party and the coolest thing your heart can do is ride a unicycle... It all just smacks of unfairness to me.
As long as we're talking about things you have to much of, I think you need to cut down on the number of words that are used to talk about you. There's 'cattle', which is the general word for you. 'Bull' means an intact male. 'Micky' can mean a wild male cow. 'Maverick' means the animal is unbranded. 'Cow', of course, means a female who's given birth. Before a female gives birth, they're called a 'heifer'. The list goes on, cattle. It's more than a little excessive.
You're cool, cattle, and I'm down with you. I just think you've been coasting for too long. Shape up, guys.
Very Sincerely,
Colleen
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