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Feb. 27th, 2009 12:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
unavoidedcrisis
I will preface this with 'yes, I understand you may think I'm crazy now.'
Sometimes, I get feelings. Just a little something that sparks in my head and it just clicks. it feels right. Not visions or anything, and not intuition because there's no way it could connect like that. Just maybe a bit of a premonition. I just call them feelings. I've been feeling them for years now. Not often, either, just every now and then. But more and more lately than anything.
Tonight, for an example, I was going out for a quiet drink with some friends. Decided to look nice (aka: comb my hair and whatnot) and I had the slight compulsion to wear my Abandonment Emeralds. I put the necklace on first and smiled when I thought of Kyle, put the bracelet on and shook my head in that rueful 'ahaha, silly' way when I thought of Craig and then slipped on the ring. My stomach flip flopped, a violent churn and just had a flash of terrible terribleness. The ring made me think of my father and then my family and I just had a moment of 'eeeep'.
And quite rightly so. Family issues and a half decided to attack me WHILE I was at the bar. Lovely place for any sort of phone call, let alone a bad one. But sitting here alone in my room and worrying is about the only thing I can do.
Part of me wants to check my cards, to call my Mama, to cry, to plead... I think I'll have another shot and go to bed.
(Damn do I ever look good in my emeralds.)
Sometimes, I get feelings. Just a little something that sparks in my head and it just clicks. it feels right. Not visions or anything, and not intuition because there's no way it could connect like that. Just maybe a bit of a premonition. I just call them feelings. I've been feeling them for years now. Not often, either, just every now and then. But more and more lately than anything.
Tonight, for an example, I was going out for a quiet drink with some friends. Decided to look nice (aka: comb my hair and whatnot) and I had the slight compulsion to wear my Abandonment Emeralds. I put the necklace on first and smiled when I thought of Kyle, put the bracelet on and shook my head in that rueful 'ahaha, silly' way when I thought of Craig and then slipped on the ring. My stomach flip flopped, a violent churn and just had a flash of terrible terribleness. The ring made me think of my father and then my family and I just had a moment of 'eeeep'.
And quite rightly so. Family issues and a half decided to attack me WHILE I was at the bar. Lovely place for any sort of phone call, let alone a bad one. But sitting here alone in my room and worrying is about the only thing I can do.
Part of me wants to check my cards, to call my Mama, to cry, to plead... I think I'll have another shot and go to bed.
(Damn do I ever look good in my emeralds.)