unavoidedcrisis (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
unavoidedcrisis) wrote2008-08-23 03:03 pm
unavoidedcrisis) wrote2008-08-23 03:03 pm
guess this is the end
Craig.
Where to start?
I'll start with thank you. Thank you for being honest with me. It came way too fucking late, but at least you finally managed it. I never lied to you, just so you know, not once.
I actually can't believe you left it two months before talking with me. That was cruel on so many levels. Hopefully it satisfied your self righteous streak.
I get it, I really do, why you're so upset. And I can see you hating me. For srsly. If you wanna hate me, you can. I'll hurt, but I'll understand.
But to tell me you still love me, you always will, and you remember all the amazing times and you miss them but you won't be with me...?
"Love" is understanding and forgiveness. "Love" is patience and the drive to keep love alive. If you actually 'love' me, then you'd try. So you don't love me. You might still care, but it's not the same.
So fuck right off. No, I don't want to fucking be friends with you. You said if I ever need anything, you'd be right there to help me? Well what I need is the guy who said he loved me and wanted to spend his life with me to either fess up and admit he's a fucking liar, or to leave me alone so I can attempt to scrape my life together again.
I made a mistake and you have no idea how hard I wish I could take it back. But 'sorry' isn't good enough and now I 'have to live with the consequences of my actions'.
Apparently forgiveness is too much to ask from someone who loves you, or you never really loved me at all.
Goodbye.
no subject
When are you back in Whitby, woman? Get your ass down here!
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I am always here if you need to talk or vent or whatever.
<3
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And frankly, you deserve better than that. But it's still true.
I hope you're doing okay luv.
<3
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I've been where you are, though, with Craig, although, I think roles might have been a little reversed or different. I don't know; I don't have the details of your breakup.
Craig can get... mean. Really cruel. And it's hard, cause you let the little bastard into your heart where he can deal the most damage. If someone else were to say the same things to me that Craig said years ago, they wouldn't have hurt nearly as bad. He's said some terrible things to me, just awful, and they were soooo bad because he MEANT every word, and believed them all to be the truth. THAT'S what hurt.
I can understand why you don't want his friendship, I really do. Even without knowing any specifics, I KNOW that you're completely justified in your feelings.
I feel bad, because I love Craig too, but I've long since realized that love has many faces, and sometime, when you really love someone, you have to be away. Not just for you, but for them as well. I've realised that when you're with someone in a relationship and then it's ended, you need time to let the relationship evolve and change, and to get through the hurt that both of you are feeling.
And believe me, Craig was/is feeling pain about this too. Think seriously as to why he ran from North Bay... 'Cause as much as he tries to shift the blame for that on me and having a baby, it has very little to do with me.
He loved you Colleen, more than you know, and although it's not my place to say, he's been torn up about this whole mess more than you might realise.
I'm sorry to interject my opinion where it might not be wanted, and I sure as hell am NOT siding with Craig.
I hope that one day you guys will be able to work through this rough patch. I like you- you're a smart and funny girl. But do I think Craig is right for you? No, for the same reasons that he's not right for me. He's a sweetheart, but he'll never understand where you're coming from. I love him, but he'll never be able to keep up to where your mind takes you. He's slow, methodical, and he'll forever be 10 pages behind a sharp mind like yours.
I don't know you very well at all, I've gotten to know you through LiveJournal, and quickie conversations on the phone. I don't know you at all. But I think that you FEEL things more quickly and more deeply than Craig does. I think that you might not share how you're feeling with everyone, but I think that you feel love, pain, and other emotions more quickly than your average bear. And Craig doesn't, and he'll never, ever understand that.
I hope that you find someone who is worthy of you, who will love, respect and understand you. I think Craig can fit in most of those categories, but he can't fit in all of 'em. Not for you and sure as shit not for me, but maybe for someone else. And there's nothing wrong with that.