unavoidedcrisis: dalmatian resting its head on the arm of a couch (resting dalmatian)
Oh. Hey. My last journal entry was my 1,500th on this LJ. Go me.

Hello everyone. Let's talk about a thing.

So pets die, right? I deal with that a lot on account of I work at a vet clinic. PS, I don't think I'm building up to a certain point, I just need to pour out some words, so. Don't expect some sweeping, majestic summation of human existence at the end here.

There's a lot of different reasons as to why someone would have to get a pet put to sleep (PTS), but if the reason is bogus, my vets will send the person away with a live pet. They don't fuck around and take "well I just don't want it anymore" as an excuse. Reason number five hundred and sixteen that I love my job, right.

The vast, overwhelming majority of pets that are PTS at our clinic are PTS because they are very old and their bodies are shutting down on them. That's... a pretty damn good way to go, it turns out. Better than the ones we see that are young and suddenly horribly ill or injured. We get those sometimes, but it's far less regular.

My first PTS at this clinic (and my first working in the field, not a PTS that was one of my pets) was an old, sick cat who had had a great run and needed a little mercy. I was fine with this. The owner cried a little, thanked us profusely, and left with her equally crying toddler. It happened, I went "aw, that's too bad, poor family," and went about my business.

The second PTS was an ancient sheltie with an equally ancient man for an owner. He'd known this day was coming and was just so... At peace with it. We dragged a chair into the exam room so he could sit with her (we don't have chairs in there normally on account of very small exam rooms) and his adult daughter was with him. She was sobbing, he was just sitting quietly with his hand on the dog's paw. The daughter had to leave the room, asked if I would stand with him. I did, because how do you say no to a sobbing lady and a 5000 year old man who are asking for something so simple? You don't, that's how. I felt sad after this, but the old man hugged and thanked me when we took the dog's body away and I went on with my day.

(The aforementioned old cat's owner came by a few days later with a fruit basket. That happened. Blew my goddamn mind.)

I didn't know either of these families or their pets, this being my 1st/2nd week at the clinic, but I knew their pain and it made me frown and go "awww, bad day for them, I feel empathetic towards this situation, &c." This was also right around the time I had to put Casey to sleep.

We had a couple more, I don't really remember. A relatively young dog with pancreatitis that had been in every day for about 15 in a row for rechecks, fluid therapy, etc. had to be PTS in my first amount of time at the hospital. I knew the owners a little better (really nice old married couple) and I knew the dog. She was a real sweetie. They thanked us too, the whole team, and gave the vet who did the euth a hug and dropped off a card when they came back to pick up the dog's ashes.

But then Nash. Nash was a dog I had never met before who belonged with a family I'd never before. He was old and very sick and he had a peaceful death. And fuck did I ever cry. I got myself together relatively quickly, but in the 10 minutes I was crying, I was fucking sobbing.

There have been about 4 now that have had me in honest to god tears. And a few more past that were I've welled up a little, or had a Dean Winchester style "single manly tear." But I mean, the majority of them are "oh gosh, that poor cat/dog/hamster/family." There's a few more coming up, that we know are on the horizon that I know I'll cry over (including one for Sasha that's going to have me in tears for an hour, I guarantee it. Tonight or tomorrow. Very anxious about going to work soon :/), and a few more that I'll just be thankful have finally happened (again, Sasha. Ugh, poor creature).

On Friday, we had to euth a large Maine Coon (like McLovin and Casey...). The owner was a bedridden 89 year old woman and the cat came in with her daughter and HER daughter (so, daughter and grand-daughter to cat's owner, referred to henceforth as "lady" and "daughter" because I never met the actualfax owner). The cat was sick (suddenly, acutely, in a 8 year old cat, so still relatively young, though maybe closer to geriatric from a Maine Coon stance). Very sick. We did rads and a basic CBC to comfirm. Yes, the cat was very sick, Yes, the best thing we can do for the kitty now is have it PTS. So that's what the lady and her daughter did. They called the owner and she said goodbye over speakerphone in the exam room, then they paid the bill and left. They couldn't stay while it happened.

Some people find it really difficult to stay for any of it, and some people don't even want the pet to be taken to the treatment room to have the catheter put in because any time away from the pet is horrible for them to conceive (putting in an IV cath makes it way easier and less painful to put the euthynol in, less messy, less scary, less stressful. We put a cath in in the back, bring the pet back to the family and the vet gives them however much time they need before coming back in and doing the euth). I'm totally non-judgey of whatever someone chooses to do. I stay through every second of McLovin's euth last April and patted his stupid cat head. I was there for all of Casey's, but I could barely look at him, let alone touch him. Grief does weird things to us, every time.

They left, me and the tech stayed with the cat while the vet put the needle. It was good, tbh, that they left. The cat needed way more of the drug than we thought it would, had to IC after initial sedation. It was pretty bad to watch (but he didn't feel it, don't worry). I cried a little because it made me think of my stupid Maine Coons who decided both to die last year.

I'm covered in cat fur and dried tears now, it's 30 minutes after we close and we've been slammed all day, so I'm sweating like a cow. I've stripped off my scrub top, so I'm in my ratty old kennel tank and am washing blood from a very-enthusiastically-in-heat dog off the walls in the big exam room when someone starts rattling the front door. I am pissed, and exhausted (after being there 30 minutes late on top of my 13 hour shift already and it's been a goddamn long day).

It's the cat's people. The lady and her daughter. They brought us cupcakes.

So. I cried a little over the cat. I fucking sobbed over the cupcakes. Grief does weird things to people.

This has been a lot of thoughts about dead pets. I have to vent them out periodically so I don't explode.

Also, never give your dog his/her medication mixed with chocolate milk, that just makes you a fucking idiot.
unavoidedcrisis: dalmatian resting its head on the arm of a couch (resting dalmatian)

Mama is coming home soon and bringing me Wendy's. :)


Blood work on Caseycat came back this morning and it's not diabetes like we were hoping, it's end stage kidney failure, which means we're going to have him put down this weekend. The vet even said with the right meds and food combo, we could maaaaybe get 'til mid-January. It's just more humane to let him go before he starts to vomit blood.


I got the clinic job, I start Friday.

So, you know, extremely up and down day -- all of this happening while I was at the pet store (apparently the manager, says the other girls, does not like her employees having multiple jobs, so it remains to be seen if I'll be able to work both). I'm going to eat my Wendy's when Mama gets home and then ptfo. :)
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (Default)

You're welcome for washing the blood off my face.
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (Default)
Sekrit Santa Love Me Times

So I'm officially not getting time off to see my family for Christmas. I'm also working on my birthday. And every other single day between 24 November and 22 December (probably more; the schedule only goes til the 22nd).

Ugh entirely.

Someone brought the cutest Australian shepherd into meet me today. It made me feel a little better.

In hilarious lizard news, my lizards are hilarious. Pepperoni is the world's worst hunter ever. Period. He's still my favourite though.

Here's a video of Gallifrey shedding. Ignore photo-bombing Kiki and my ridiculous laughter.

She's pretty cool. She even lets me pick her up now with minimal biting.

At least I have my pets. ~sigh~
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (Default)
I slept for 3 hours this morning. Before that, I'd had 2 hours of sleep in 4 days. So I'm at 5 hours in as many days.

I've had strep throat since September and there's been talk of removing my tonsils, but we're trying more antibiotics and, uhhhh. Those other ones. Steroids. Yeeeeah.

There was a big blow out fighty argument at work yesterday. I think I'm okay? We'll find out tomorrow when I go back in.

So I hate everything. Everything makes me angry or sad or upset. I'm pretty sure there's something wrong with me apart from insomnia and low iron (I had a B12 shot Friday, but I may need another one). Who knows. Another mystery.

Besides everyone at work, apparently everyone else I know kind of detests me right now. It's like the Derwid-Loeverhastel Principle, but in reverse. Sorry for what basically amounts to my entire life right now, everyone who knows me. This is Leen, in all her glory. It's probably just easier to hate me and think I'm a moody fuck. I'm down for that. I've been through it all before. It's (I'm) going to get worse before I get better.
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (omg dinosaur)
Walked around with the sweetest baby ball python at work today and I AM ACTUALLY IN LOVE. Did a lion cut on a little grey tabby today in grooming class and I AM ACTUALLY IN LOVE.

Shaving cats = damn good time. And omfg, seriously. Snakes. How much do I love them? It's not even a real number.
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (very stressful day (chuck))
I have a job interview today. Nothing major, just a little part time gig while I'm in school.

And the very nice lady is asking for my resumé and references. I have a resumé. It's not great, but it's mine. But I don't have an references. I've only ever had 4 jobs, right, so there's not a huge pool to draw from anyways.

The boss at my first job died last year, and I was only a summer student at my second job. My third job fired me and then went out of business and my fourth/last/most recent job has a company policy of not giving out references to anyone (those jerks).

So like. What am I supposed to do with that?

And it's really hurting my chances at getting hired anywhere because I don't have anyone who will jump up and say 'yeah, that Leen, she's really great'. And I AM really great. Damn everything.

Luckily I have one character reference who was also one of my volunteer coordinators from like, 75 million different things back in the day who has known me basically since I was born. So she's always good for a reference. But I feel like bringing in one reference is not very helpful to my chances. It looks like I'm stacking the deck.

*whine whine*

I'll let you know how it goes.


Oct. 30th, 2009 12:51 am
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (my name on a tiger)
So... Laid off today.

I wonder what will happen to me tomorrow?
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (oh no you did not)
So it turns out when I thought I was getting healthier there for a week or two around Thanksgiving, my body was actually lying to me and I was staying the same amount of sick or possibly even getting sicker. Hooray. At least I have not lost my voice this time around (yet) but the cough is worse than it should be. My entire body hurts from coughing. My freakin' feet hurt from coughing. How is that even a thing?

I found out on Thursday I do not actually have work until the 31st, our site is closing as of 6pm on the 29th. Balls, right, because I'm losing like, two days pay? WRONG. I get paid from the 29th-1st of November regardless. So on Nov. 1st I'll be getting paid to start my Nanowrimo novel. Pretty good incentive to start big, I'd say.

I don't know where all this 'morning person cheerful attitude' came from. This is very unlike me. I normally sleep just a little past my alarm and then grumble and blearily walk into things until I finally fully wake up around noon (after I've normally been at work for 2 hours...). The last three days have seen me awake and damn near perky at least forty minutes before the buzzer sounds. Well, this morning I blame it on the coughing, BUT STILL.

Still don't really have a Hallowe'en costume, which I need for our GGC party on Tuesday. I'll probably just wear black lipstick and call it an evening. Not into the Hallowe'en spirit this year. Something about losing my job makes me not feel like partying.

Speaking of GGC! Who wants cookies? I still have a few cases to sell, 4$ a box, deliciously chocolate-minty and now trans fat free. Supporting a good cause. *tantalizes with cookies* Though if you're not in Canada it will make getting the cookies difficult. You could send me the money and I could eat them for you, I think. :D

Anyways, work is beckoning like an unholy traffic cop, so I have to get some juice and catch a bus. Have a nice day, internet.
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (snape says shut up txt)
So, as you might know, my job is to answer phone calls. I get paid to talk for eight to eleven hours a day. And I have a five hour overtime shift tonight.


Yeah, Wednesday night it gave up the ghost. I can barely whisper. Yesterday, I forgot my swipe card to get through the front doors, so I rang up the help desk to get someone to come let me in AND THEY COULDN'T HEAR ME. If they can't hear me to even get inside the building, how can they expect to field Laquiesha's* and Billy-Jo-Ray's* and Senor-Jose's* questions about their cell phone bills?

And it's worse today than it was yesterday. Probably because they had me on the phones yesterday. Durh.

So I ask you, how is this even my life?

*Yes, everyone I speak to is either rllyrlly stereotypically black, rllyrlly stereotypically Latino or rllyrlly stereotypically redneck. It's downright painful at times. Apparently a prerequisite for getting a cell phone in the States is proving you're a racial caricature. Like a twisted entrance exam.
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (wtf -> ruination and calamity!)
Supernatural RPG at Janis's tonight. Nothing to major, especially story-wise. Just a little something to keep our dice rolling hands from rusting up. It was a kick back to the earlier seasons with a KILLER CAR. Oh yes. We defeated it by loving and befriending it.


Also, Janis has a tiny apartment and it is hard to fit five rowdies and all our extra crazy into it. I miss rp-ing so much sometimes. Damn that Ace for moving away and breaking up the dream team.

In other news, work smells. I am working an extra shift this week, but not getting paid overtime for it. Why is this, you ask? Because I'm a little crazy like that. But then I get four days off, so I guess that's better than overtime pay, right?

O, and one of the other supervisors commandeered my desk and gave it to one of his agents because 'they were unhappy with their original seat'. Um, 'scuse me, I've been sitting there since April and I was quite happy. Now I'm playing musical desks again. *resists urge to light fires* I'm not even going to mention the loss of the best chair in the site, because that will send me into a swooning, fainting spell and I don't have the proper couch for that.

We're going on a hike/cookout with GGC in a few weeks - our first real outing. I super excited and also a little nervous. I haven't done anything this involved with children in a long time. All my recent hiking has involved liquor and swear words. I hope I am the proper role model I'm meant to be.

I guess when the worst things in my life right now are losing a chair and being worried about lighting little girls on fire by accident, my life is pretty okay.

Besides the strep throat.

I'm Hungry

Sep. 17th, 2009 10:23 pm
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (awesome -> chess people)
So Mother is still in the hospital recovering from her surgery. She's been really nauseous apparently, which Katie says is probably a combo result of the anesthesia-slash-morphine. But she's recovering. So that's yay, right?

Work was further ridiculous today with our 'renewed call volumes' leading us straight into seventeen minute waits all day. I swear my brain started leaking out of my ears after an hour.

The walls outside of the building are covered in bats. There are almost no words to describe how much I want a bat. 'A lot' are the ones that come to mind, but I feel that's not strong enough.

I might have found someone to buy the old laptop. Money earned by selling the old laptop has to go directly towards the purchase of the new laptop though. And now I'm going downstairs to get some toast.

I realize this entry jumps around a bit, but I'm okay with it.
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (Default)
Mama's surgery went well, apparently, and she was up and moving before bed, which is awesome.

Katie sensed my stress level and FINALLY caved and bought me an ostrich. He's titchy, but he's all mine! I'll have to give him a kickass name. Taking suggestions from you, internet.

And speaking of gifts, I got an early (just a little) Christmas present from Janis. It's a Hufflepuff-slash-camping blanket and it doubles as a weapon if I ever have to fight the Green Lantern. The real gift was getting to make it with Janis though (awww, how sweet of me).

I have to sleep or else I might physically injure someone at work tomorrow. They gave us new adjustment limits (down from 150$ to 100$ and then down from 100$ to 25$. That's a huge jump!!) and it's been a source of aggravation in the last 48 hours. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

That's practically my new mantra. I need it on a tee shirt.
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (listen with your heart whale)
So my mama is officially going in for surgery on the 16th, which is next Wednesday, and I get to be at work that day. Yeah, like that's going to be at all productive. I was freaking out just thinking about it today. Ugh. Not like I could be there anyways because she's going far away to some specialty hospital. So the best I can do is worry my stupid ass off about it for four days until she gets back to Whitby, and even then I'm only allowed to be off Saturday and Sunday, but have to be back for Monday for work and Pathfinders. I almost guaranteed won't even get to see her until Thanksgiving and yeah, that's not so far off but it's going to feel like an age.

So that sucks.

In completely unrelated news, I finished rereading Order of the Phoenix today and I remembered why Professor McGonagall is the best person ever (besides maybe Neville Longbottom). Ah, I get too much joy out of these children`s books.

But now I`m going to have dinner and flip a coin to decide if I want to watch Big Bang Theory or Supernatural.
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (garfield on a monday)
I am so not pumped for working tomorrow. I've been on the same shift for like... eight months. I do not like this new one, not a little. Today was my shortest day of the week at seven and half hours and it felt like ten. Tomorrow might well try to kill me.

In other news, I have no idea what I'm doing in November. I might take the rest of the year off if/when T.Tech closes on Hallowe'en and head back to school on Second Career in January. I'm seriously considering it. Live on my EI for eight weeks. Not bad, but I don't know.

Everyone tells me to relax about it, but it's a serious, pressing concern that I'm feeling every day. It's very likely that I'm about to be out of work with absolutely no prospects on the horizon.

Apathy is clearly the only way to keep my sanity here.
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (chess people)
...was a big news day for me. Yes, I found out that due to changing business needs, my workplace is losing it's sole client on Hallowe'en and as of that point I, along with about two hundred and ninety others, would be out of work.

The site director told us this in small groups of twenty or so, then sent us all home for the rest of the day, stressing that come Saturday the 8th, it was fully business as usual and to not let it affect out production.

Yes, I want to continue stressing myself over metrics for the next three months for a soul-less, dreaming-devouring corporation that is about to ruin my life... Ahahah.

Of course, management is looking for another client. We're the little site that could, the fully badass site, and everyone is hopeful we'll have someone by October. I'm not convinced. Maybe I'm just supremely negative?

Looks like another job is something I need to procure stat. Anyone hear of anything good?

2 Songs

Jun. 19th, 2009 11:30 pm
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (offended the heavens txt)
Today was Carla's half birthday and yesterday was mine. This evening, we had a little celebration.

What type of song would one sing at a half birthday party? Well it goes like this!

Hap birt t yo!
Hap birt t yo!
Hap birt, hap birt,
Hap birt t yo!

Great, right?

The other song I have to present was written by the dynamic duo of Chris and Spenser at work last Sunday. There's actions that go along with it as well. Think kind of a pirate thing.

Jesus hates me, this I know
for the cancer tells me so.
Dying ones to Him belong,
they are weak BUT HE IS STRONG.

Spenser insists on the capitalization on the last bit. Says it emphasizes the strength. I say it only emphasizes the crazy.

But between everyone in our little group, they sang this for a good eighty percent of the shift on Sunday. Really eerie to hear someone half whispering it to themselves while you're trying to take a call.
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (winter wonderland)
So I haven't been online a lot in the last few days. I've been fighting off a stupid migraine which keeps trying to eat my head. O.o

Huge, enormous, gigantic day at work today... Or so we were told. They sent me home early because there was absolutely nothing going on. In a way, that's awesome because my head was trying to pop off, so I got to go home and take a nap. In a different way, oholeeshitt, work needs to be busier or I'll lose my livelihood and it's back to selling black market organs and playing the pennywhistle (at the same time, ftw).

The weather's getting warmer. You know what that means. It means it's time to start wishing for snow again. I despise summer.

And on that note, good night!
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (kitten and mice)
As if maternal torture wasn't enough, now it looks like I'll be visiting my father this week.

Work, imagine that, is getting stupid again. More details to follow when it becomes less of a fire-able offense to talk about it (oy vey).

I can't download Ride of the Valkyrie as my ringtone for my cell. Sad and woe.
unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (redheaded angel)
Major blisters on my foot are killing me. Do not want. Stupid new sneakers.

I've been working at the same job for over a year now. That's a while, but not as long as I worked at Jerry's. I sometimes miss having a regular crowd. At work these days, I talk to someone for all of 557 seconds and then they're gone like wisps of smoke. Such a changeable environment.

Spent Saturday at my aunt's house. It was my grandparent's fiftieth wedding anniversary and we had a large party. I got to see a bunch of family I haven't seen since that last big funeral, which was nice and also reminded me of how much my family scares me sometimes. Saw some cousins I detest, got a free ride (most of the way) home and counted far too much roadkill. You know, solid weekend plans.

Four day work week! I get American Victoria day off. I'm not sure what the actual holiday down there is...

Sometimes life proves my thesis for me, no additional support needed.


unavoidedcrisis: girl lying on the ground with playing cards scattered over her (Default)

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